THIS MAN MAURICE ODUOR
Good people of the forum,
Maurice Oduor/Clement Ojinga/Jackline Atieno will not fight me today. I don't think he will fight me tomorrow. I could wait till the twelfth of never but this man will never fight me. Not ever.
However, that fact, though it denies me the pleasure of landing him well-deserved roundhouses, upper-cuts and debilitating chomps on his gonads , also grants me the latitude to discuss him freely as I want. Any old way is the way in dissecting him.
Let us begin, shall we?
Earlier on, Maurice was afraid that I would go hammers and tongs on him with the private details of his life. People, trust me, those details will make for a very exciting reading and they fill to overfill the Library of Congress in sheer breadth, details and depth. But I am no gossip so we will let that pass. Instead, like they say in the whodunit tropes, the clues we need to deconstruct Maurice Oduor are everywhere; in fact, they stare at us in the face, everyday. We will begin with his writings.
The internet, they say is, is 80% porn and 20% writing. Maurice Oduor's writings make up about 10% of all the writings on the internet. It could be more; I will check with Mohammed Warsama on the exact percentage. But that fact is not a comforting one. It is a dreadful prospect if you think of it. The uncomforting fact is, it is all disaster for Maurice Oduor writes absolute bugger all!
You see, writing is an art. When you write prolifically as Maurice Oduor writes you should have a style, a mode, some edge and refinement in what you put across. Maurice Oduor only churns out kitsch and bowel movement. And he has all the 25 hours of the day to do it. Papa Likondi once suggested that the guy does not even take a break for bathroom, he has a potty by his computer so that he can maximize the 25 hours of the day he spends on the internet.
What he writes is not even inspirational, it does not gel with the vast majority of those who chances upon it and it sucks big time.
Sometimes, he fashions himself as a teacher of English. Most of what he teaches is but business English. Business English as you might well all know is but adverbs on steroids – straight-jacketed fluffery riding on stilts pretending at high art. Stephen King warns in 'On Writing – A Memoir to the Craft' that the adverb should not be your friend if you want to write well. But Maurice has made it a calling to teach us that kind of writing. God, what did we do to you to have Maurice Oduor around?
Mtumishi once called Maurice Oduor a mistake. Correct that, he is a DISASTER – happening every day. Every frigging day! Jamaneni, even Nyando floods happens occasionally.
Maurice's writings run the whole gamut; he comments on everything; he is on every forum that Yahoo and Google has ever allowed; he knows practically everything; if a some knucklehead was to suggest today that a survey should be conducted to determine the gender of God trust me, Maurice Oduor will be at hand to offer suggestions on how to do about it.
Danielle Steel, in my opinion, is the most successful boring writer on earth. I don't know how that compares to Maurice Oduor's non-commercial undertaking because he is equally successful at boring the stiff off those who dare to read him.
To pile on to this misery is the undeniable fact that the guy hardly read anything (oh, puuuhlease, don't tell me Kenya Post is some literature worthy of serious consideration). I was alarmed some days back when the gnu confessed to not having read any of Frantz Fanon's work. Until I furnished him with a copy of Fanon's 'The Wretched of the Earth' he had no idea whether Fanon was some kind of exotic Christmas tree or a species of daschund! Absolutely no idea. And this is the man who claims the Nyayo regime forced him off to exile; this is the man who claims he is fighting for the right of the marginalized; the voice of the voiceless. People, what category of jokes do we place Maurice Oduor for he is not even funny?
To write well one must read a lot. Since, Maurice only reads his navel we are forever stuck at being trussed to his navel-gazing activities.
Once more I ask, God, what did we do to deserve Maurice Oduor? Every day, as I lay me down to sleep, I ask God, please, please and please make Maurice Oduor read, even if it is a copy of Tintin comic book. Maybe he will learn something to make his prolific contribution to the art of writing worth for something discernible. People, God has never let me down in mny of my prayers except for the cause of Maurice Oduor. But, I will not give up; the prayer of righteous man availeth much and one day, before I go to the land of the dead, God shall surely answer my prayers.
I have a dream. I have a dream that one day Maurice Oduor will write something that needs to be read, I have a dream that this dream will be fulfilled in my lifetime!
NB: This is the first of a series of takes on the character of Maurice John Oduor. In short course we shall be discussing a number of issues including but not limited to:-
(1) He is sense of victimhood (he is the Raila Odinga of internet)
(2) His obsession with Dr. Matunda, Onyango Oloo, Dr. Shem Ochuodho and of course Nyandoto and Nora Hongo among many other people.
(3) His genius. He's Kenya's answer to Albert Einstein briefly loaned to Canada's sewerage networks.
(4) His equally genius progenies.
(5) His eventful life in Kenya. More than twenty years he is been away but his exciting life still haunts our history as a nation
(6) And many many other stuff as we continue digging along.USIBANDUKE!
Spread the word to other forums. Thank you!
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