This Man Maurice Oduor – Part II
Karubandika Reloaded
It was 'karubandika' that did it.
Back in the day, Orchestra Marquis du Zaire did a number titled Karubandika. Karubandika is the story of a useless man; a ne'er-do-well, scallywag and mooch of a man who goes about telling everybody how he is a big-shot in some company and yet he does not even own a house.
On Friday, Wams posted an article by Ciku Muiruri castigating that idiot from Maendeleo ya Wanaume who was asking men to do certain silly things in order to get back at women. I didn't agree (and still don't agree with what Bw. Njoka suggested) but mostly I didn't agree with tripe that Ciku was dishing up men's alley.
I wrote a rejoinder. In the rejoinder I pointed out certain type of men who are not doing men-kind any favour by their conducts and habits. I referred to Muita, Kuria Mwangi, Kaghuli and I think Tom and Nelson Oreje and of course Maurice Oduor. I did all of it in full-jest merely adding colour to the day-long banter we carry on with on this forums. None of these gentlemen responded to my post except for Maurice Oduor. And he had to call me stupid and childish. Where upon I set to prove him that I ain't any. Prior to this Maurice and I had had a nice gentlemanly agreement that we will avoid each other's post like the Plague.
I referred to Maurice Oduor in that post as a fine example of 'Karubandika' our Orchestra Marquis character. Fact of the matter is that actually he is.
(Can somebody please tell Pastor Birai to go to Church if he is afraid of this war! I am settling a serious business with Maurice that prayers and bible verses alone can't tackle. Maurice is beyond the usual pale that some prayers, bible verses and admonishing can set on the narrow path to heaven. Thank you!)
Maurice Oduor, the full grown ass-man he is, survives on the mercy of the generous Canadian Welfare System. Miguna Miguna told Warsama. Warsama told us. And we all know Miguna, like him or not, will always tell it as it is.
I have a sneaking feeling that Maurice Oduor sometimes while managing to beat the hawkeyed scuts from the Welfare office, does some side job for the National Association of Assholes of Canada (NAAC) as their spokesperson on the internet. The sheer breadth of bullshittery that Maurice Oduor subjects us all to in the forum must certainly come from practice and acculturation to a lifestyle that allows for bullshittery to thrive.
Maurice Oduor compares only to Jesus Christ in terms of the amazing stuff he has done with his time on earth. Maurice Oduor holds the most number of records for amazing feats of sheer brain-work in and out of Kenya. Maurice Oduor has travelled the world and has been to places that us poor sods only gets to see in travel brochures and postcards. Maurice Oduor has been into contact with almost all kind of personalities, big-shots running the wheels of world's industries, ministers and former ministers (such as Nicholas Biwott) ambassadors, politicians, professionals – Maurice has met them all and shot some breeze with them over some dying light of the salubrious Canadian weather. Maurice Oduor is well known all over Ugunja 'tawon' for his acts of charity and benevolence; his feats have never been equaled and even musicians have been caught on up on the trail of his successes for he is the most sang-about man in Luoland – Raila Odinga has nothing on Maurice Oduor if it comes to the number of songs done about him. Don't take my word on this; this is all on his charge. Go through his numerous posts and his brilliance shines off them like a much needed lighthouse on a dark night in a capricious sea.
Maurice Oduor is the representative alpha male after whom we should all aspire to be like.
But, Maurice Oduor does not have even a house in his village (Okil will gladly confirm it). Maurice Oduor with all his genius, survives and breathes God's free air courtesy of the Canadian Welfare System – and the Canadian sure do know how to take care of one of their own for Maurice has all the time he needs to engage the whole world on the internet. When did being a genius become so cheap?! I must get me a Visa to Canada for I am sick of working my butts off for a living here in Kenya. If a genius like Maurice can afford to live on just air and the benevolence of the Canadian Welfare System why shouldn't I too make a stab at such kind of trouble-free existence?
Ladies, Maurice Oduor is bad news. He is Adonis Achates personified and will have you crowing at his feet in no time. But my dears are you going to eat Maurice's awesome handsomeness? It is no secret that Maurice trawls these forum seeking lays. Credit to him he goes about it in a very gentlemanly way. I read somewhere that generally ladies don't like modesty in men and I will be surprised if Maurice has ever scored with the ladies on these forums. However, that should not worry us. What should scare the bejuses into us is that this genius, handsome man who is God's special gift to women has not leveraged his numerous advantages into something huge. Why isn't he in the show business – being Kenya's response to Denzel Washington. Why isn't he in the interview circuit selling Kenya's/Canada's strong points leveraging his awesome gravitas into attracting the world by being a brand ambassador of whatever cause he chooses?
Why is Maurice with all the advantages that God has given him in life stuck on the internet all of a day's 25 hours engaging jealous losers and aliases like Geoffrey Omollo? Why is Maurice Oduor forever on the cross-hairs of those who should be his great admirers in the first place? And why should Maurice Oduor be in losers' forums like PK at all?
Very many questions which we will never have the end of. Truly, Maurice Oduor is an enigma. Boy George sang about a man who doesn't know how to sell a contradiction in the hit number 'Karma Chameleon'. I never in my life bargained that I would one day meet a man who sells contradictions like hot cakes in the person of Maurice Oduor. Isn't he amazing this man, Maurice Oduor?
Maybe it is the internet that makes dumbos of us all. Someday I am going to get me a T-shirt with a personalized message – "MAURICE ODUOR: INSTANT ASSHOLE, JUST GRANT INTERNET ACCESS AND ALLOW A FEW SECONDS!"
NB: Coming up tomorrow, Maurice Oduor's humongous sense of victimhood. Sit tight as we dissect Kenya's most persecuted Jew.
Thank you and spread the word.
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