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Subject: [wanabidii] An Epidemic: Nigerian Men Killing Their Nurse Wives In The US
From: Leila Abdul <hifadhi@gmail.com>
To: wanaBidii <wanaBidii@googlegroups.com>
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"Yes I have killed the woman that messed up my life; the woman that has
destroyed me. I am at Shalom West. My name is David and I am all yours."
Those were David Ochola's words during his 911 (U.S. Emergency Number) call
to authorities after shooting dead his 28 years old wife, Priscilla Ochola,
in Hennepin, Minnesota. The 50-years old husband was tired of being
"disrespected" by his wife, a Registered Nurse (RN) whom he had brought
from Nigeria and sponsored through nursing school only to have her make
much more than him in salary - a situation which led to Mrs. Ochola "coming
and going as she chose without regard for her husband." The couple had two
children - four years old boy and a three years old girl.
In Texas, Babajide Okeowo had been separated from his wife, Funke Okeowo,
with whom he resided at their Dallas home. Upon the divorce, the husband
lost the house to his wife, along with most of the contents therein, as is
usually the tradition in U.S. divorces where the couple still has underage
children. Mr. Okeowo, 48, divorced his wife because not long after she
became a RN and made more money than him, she "took control" of the family
finances and "controlled" her husband's expenditure and movement. The
husband could no longer make any meaningful contribution to his family back
in Nigeria unless the wife "approved" it. He could not go out without her
permission. Frustrated that his formerly malleable wife had suddenly become
such a "terror" to him to the point of asking for in court and getting
virtually everything for which he had worked since coming to the US thirty
years prior, the husband got in his vehicle and drove a few hundred miles
to Dallas to settle the scores. He found her in her SUV, adorned in full
Nigerian attire on her way to the birthday bash organized in her honor.
She had turned 46 on that day. Mr. Okeowo fired several rounds into his
wife's torso while she sat at the steering wheel, mercilessly killing her
in broad daylight.
Also in Dallas (they sure need anger management classes in Dallas), Moses
Egharevba, 45, did not even bother to get a gun. The husband of Grace
Egharevba, 35, bludgeoned her to death with a sledge hammer while their
seven years old daughter watched and screamed for peace. Mrs. Egharevba's
"sin" was that she became a RN and started to make more money than her
husband. This led to her "financial liberation" from a supposedly
tight-fisted husband who had not only brought her from Nigeria, but had
also funded her nursing school education.
Like Moses Egharevba, Christopher Ndubuisi of Garland, Texas, (these Texas
people!) also did not bother to get a gun. He crept into the bedroom where
his wife, Christiana, was sleeping and, with several blows of the sledge
hammer, crushed her head. Two years before Christiana was killed, her
mother, who had been visiting from Nigeria, was found dead in the bathtub
under circumstances believed to be suspicious. Of course, Christiana was a
RN whose income dwarfed that of her husband as soon as she graduated from
nursing school. The husband believed that his role as a husband and head of
the household had been usurped by his wife. Mr. Ndubuisi's several
entreaties to his wife's family to intercede and bring Christiana back
under his control had all failed.
If circumstances surrounding the death of Christiana's mother were
suspicious, those surrounding the death of a Tennessee woman's mother were
not. Agnes Nwodo, a RN, lived in squalor before her husband, Godfrey Nwodo,
rescued her and brought her to the US. He enrolled her in nursing school
right away. Upon qualifying as a RN, Mrs. Nwodo assumed "full control" of
the household. She brought her mother to live with them against her
husband's wishes. Mrs. Nwodo quickly familiarized herself with US Family
Laws and took full advantage of them. Each time the couple argued, the
police forced the husband to leave the house whether he had a place to
sleep or not. On many occasions, Mr. Nwodo spent days in police cells. Upon
divorcing his wife, Mr. Nwodo lost to his wife the house he had owned for
almost 20 years before he married her. He also lost custody of their three
children to her, with the court awarding him only periodic visitation
rights. Even seeing the children during visitation was always a hassle as
the wife would "arrive late to the neutral meeting place and leave early
with impunity." Mr. Nwodo endured so many embarrassing moments from his
wife and her mother until he could take it no more. One day, he bought
himself a shotgun and killed both his wife and her mother.
Caleb Onwudike's wife, Chinyere Onwudike, 36, became a RN and no longer saw
the need to be controlled by her husband. Mr. Onwudike, 41, worked two jobs
to send his wife to her dream school upon bringing her to the US from
Nigeria. After four years, she qualified as RN. Once she started to make
more money than her husband, she began to "call the shots" at home. She
"overruled" her husband on the size and cost of the house they purchased in
Burtonsville, Maryland. She began to build a house solely in her name in
their native Umuahia town of Abia State, Nigeria, without her husband's
input whatsoever. Mrs. Onwudike came and went "as she liked," within the US
and outside the US. In fact, she once travelled to Nigeria for three weeks
"without her husband's permission" to lavishly bury her father despite her
husband's protestations that they had better things to do with the money.
Mrs. Onwudike let her husband know that this was mostly her money and she
would spend it however she wanted. Through her hard work, she had risen to
a managerial position at the medical center where she worked. Upon her
return from burying her father, her husband got one of her kitchen knives
and carved her up like Thanksgiving turkey inside their home on New Year's
Day.
Death is death no matter how it comes. But the goriest of these maniacal
killings is probably the one that happened here in Los Angeles, California.
Joseph Mbu, 50, was tired of his RN wife's "serial disrespect" of him. The
disrespect began as soon as she became a RN. Gloria Mbu, 40, had once told
her husband he must be "smoking crack cocaine" if he thought he could tell
her what to do with her money now that she made more money than him. Before
she became a RN, Mr. Mbu had been very strict with family finances and was
borderline dictatorial in his dealings with Mrs. Mbu. However, Mrs. Mbu
learned the American system and would no longer allow any man to "put her
down." When Joseph Mbu could not take it anymore, he subdued his wife one
day, tied her to his vehicle and dragged her on paved roads all around Los
Angeles until her head split in many pieces.
[Author's note: Although these are true stories, all the names and some of
the details of the incidents have been altered as a mark of respect to the
families involved. All of the killer husbands noted in these stories were
found guilty. Most of them received the death sentence. Only the California
and Maryland culprits received life sentences without the possibility of
parole.]
It often comes to Nigerian men living in the US as a rude shock when their
wives become the household's bread winner. Having been accustomed to the
docility, domestication, subjugation and outright terrorization of women
back home in Nigeria, many Nigerian men are astounded when their wives
assert their financial, behavioral and social independence. It is
commonplace for Nigerian men to take important family decisions without
consulting their wives; to travel out of town and indeed out of country
without consulting their wives. Some do not even bother to inform their
wives! It is not a big deal for Nigerian husbands to answer phone calls
from their girlfriends while lying in bed with their wives; to buy
expensive gifts for their girlfriends and making only perfunctory, casual
attempt to conceal such gifts. It is nothing strange for Nigerian men to,
in fact, bring those girlfriends to their matrimonial homes while their
wives are home! Some Nigerian men think they have the carte blanche to do
what they want because they are the bread winners. What's the wife going to
do to them? Beat them? Leave them? Leave them after one, two or three
children? Who's going to marry her? So Nigerian men think.
This cruel and phenomenal hostage-taking by Nigerian men in Nigeria is what
Nigerian women in America are trying to stop. And they figured out the
easiest way to begin curtailing these bullish husbands' wings is to improve
their own potential to earn more. A good way to earn a decent pay in the US
(unlike in Nigeria) is to become a Registered Nurse. According to the US
Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS), the median annual salaries of RNs, based
on information from May 2012, is $68,000, while the mean annual salary is
$69,000. The middle 50% of RNs earns between $54,000 and $78,000. Only 10%
of RNs earns less than $44,000, while some 10% earns more than $97,000. The
BLS also reports average hourly wages: The median hourly wage of a RN is
$32.00 and the mean hourly wage is $33.00. The middle 50% of RNs earns
wages of $27.00 to $40.00, with 10% of them earning less than $22.00 while
10% earns more than $48.00 an hour.
Nigerian men in the US are quick to send their "newly-imported" wives to
these nursing schools in the hope that once the women graduate, they (the
husbands) could take control of their finances and continue their
enslavement. You can imagine a man who was probably a menial worker earning
less than $30,000 annually in an expensive place like California or New
York going back to Nigeria to "oppress" the village with dollars. He finds
a "village girl," brings her to the US and sends her to nursing school.
When she graduates and makes twice his salary, he begins to feel inferior
to her and his macho instincts take control of him, catapulting his
emotions over his sense of reason. If the RN wife decides to take a second
or third job, she can easily triple or quadruple the gap between her
earnings and those of her menial job husband's.
Working long hours takes the wife away from home and because nurses are
expected to work overnight shifts, you end up with a husband who is usually
home alone at night with just the children. Since even "normal" marriages
can be potentially stressful endeavors, adding spousal jealousy and a
husband who sleeps alone half of the time to the equation will certainly
test the limits of the marriage. It is the reason why even when such
husbands do not go over the hill to kill their wives, they divorce them in
epidemic numbers. A friend in New York told me that RN women there are
being divorced in droves as if they are plagues.
What is the big deal if a RN wife makes more money than her husband? There
are several other professions in which wives make more money than their
husbands. In fact, I know of a few military couples with the wives senior
in rank to their husbands even though they joined the military at the same
time. Yet, nobody is killing or divorcing anybody. Is this strictly a RN
thing?
My hope is that some of these RN wives learn from the many other RN wives
who successfully manage their homes in spite of making more money than
their husbands. My hope is also that the husbands of these RNs learn from
husbands of the many RNs who successfully cope with a wife who makes more
than they do. I don't know how they do it, but for every RN who is killed
or divorced by her husband, there are hundreds, if not thousands more who
proudly respect their husbands and submit to their husbands' authority -
yes, their husbands' authority (NOT control and NOT abuse) even here in the
US.
By Abiodun Ladepo
Los Angeles, California, USA
Oluyole2@yahoo.com
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