12/07/2013
Najisikia sihitaji mwanamke yeyote yule hata akiwa mzuri kiaisi gani. Sina hamu naye na wala siwezi kumfanya chochote. Naogopa kusema i hate you women kwani ni kama neno lisilo sahihi.
Nina mke wa muda mrefu sasa na mtoto mmoja, tulioana kwa upendo sana hasa mimi nikiwa na furaha sana kwenye ndoa yangu, lakini cha ajabu mambo yalibadilika sana mara nyingi mke akawa ni wa kulalamika tu, mara nyingi anashinda amenuna, maongezi hakuna kabisa ndani,. Nilijitahidi sana kumuweka chini na kuzungumza naye nikijishusha na wakati mwingine kuomba anisamehe na aniambie makosa yangu yanayomfanya asiwe na furaha.
Mara nyingi nilidhani ni mambo ya "kitandani" labda sifanyi vizuri lakini cha ajabu amekataa sana juu ya hili na kusema anaridhika sana na tena kwa kiwango cha juu na mara nyingi tumekuwa tukifanya hilo tendo hubadilika na kuwa mpole sana na hata kusema ananipenda sana.
Nimemwambia kwa lolote analoona liko tofauti aniambie mara nyingi najishusha sana kwake na nina msikiliza sana, lakini nimegundua hana nia ya dhati maana kila kukicha anakuwa vilevile tena wakati mwingine hufanya makusudi kabisa.
Sikutarajia maishani mwangu kuwa na ndoa ya hivi inaniuma sana, nilimuoa kwa taratibu zote za kikanisa na ndoa kubwa na yenye maana, najiuliza kumwacha inakuwa siyo solution maana moyo huwa unaniuma sana kiasi kwamba natoa machozi na kumbembeleza, ninavyoelewa nimefuata moyo wa mama yangu ni mpole saaana tena sana nadhani hata mimi nimerithi huko.
Umefika wakati sasa nimechoka machozi yananitoka kila wakati, ofisini kazi zimenishinda sasa, na siwezi chochote, najihisi sisitahili kuishi duniani lakini natakiwa kuwasaidia wanaonitegemea, nahisi wanawake wote wanaroho mbaya za kinyama kiasi kunitesa hivi, lakini mbona mama yangu ni mtaratibu kiasi hicho? Kuna kitu kimoja kimenijia nimelia sana, nilikuwa namchumba mpole sana ila alinikataa ghafla bila kosa na kwenda masomoni, kumbe hakunikataa ila alifanya hivyo ili tusisumbuane wakati anasoma amemaliza nikiwa nimeoa, aliposikia amelia sana, na mimi nimelia sana. Dunia haijanitendea haki.
Nimetulia chumbani nalia sana saivi sipati solution zaidi moyo wangu unawachukia wanawake zaidi. Wanawake hamna jema kabisa yaani hata mkipendwa na kulelewa kama watoto mnakuwa hivi?
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